Tips to stop being a people pleaser and embrace who you really are

Perfectly imperfect: stop being a people pleaser

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So, I’m imperfect. And that’s a relief. Honestly. I used to be a people pleaser and make myself fit everyone’s idea of me, rather than embracing who I really was. At some point, I had to decide to stop being a people pleaser.

Living a circumstantial life

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I lived a shallow life, full of suffering and conditional love. I needed outside circumstances to be a certain way to feel happiness. Happiness was either out of reach or fleeting. I rarely stayed true to what my intuition and heart were saying.

I realized that those that needed me to be a certain way were the same–and I grew up with that in my life. In my face. Inescapable. For those people, happiness was conditional too. Not only that, but the conditions were impossible to achieve and ever-changing. Countless unrealistic expectations created so much disappointment, rejection and self-loathing in their lives. It was a torturous roller coaster of ups and downs.

Today, I embrace myself as I am–imperfections and all

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At some point, I realized that wasn’t the life for me–or the relationships for me. I had enough. I had no interest in making others happy by compromising myself.

I thought…
… There must be people out there who will accept me and are happy with me.

… There must be people that are happy with themselves and don’t seek happiness from others or from circumstances.

I knew that those were my people.

Happiness is an inside job and I decided I was ready to live that.

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Then, when I became a mom, I really had to soften around the ideas of perfection and conditional love.

I now embrace the idea of happiness and presence instead.

The house is a mess, but we’re safe.

The sink is full of dishes, but we’re laughing.

The laundry has piled up, but we’re happy to be in the same room with each other.

My to-do list grows and grows, but we’re having fun and we’re present, enjoying the ride of life.

Happiness and love—no longer based on conditions

At this point, happiness and love are no longer based on conditions.

Happiness isn’t based on how my son or husband are acting.

Happiness no longer depends on how others make me feel.

This is powerful. I realized that it’s all in my control. I can judge or not. I can react or respond.

I let go of the notions of perfection and embrace the joy exactly where, when and how it comes—no matter what it looks like.

I let myself be imperfect for the first time. I actually embraced it fully. I let others around me be imperfect too. I soon realized there is no such thing as perfect.

Perfectly imperfect is a realistic expectation—anything else is madness and suffering.

Here’s my imperfect

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I’ve managed to embrace what is and laugh at myself along the way. In this social media-obsessed world, we tend to share the “perfect.” But behind the scenes—just like in this photoshoot—we are all falling out of balance. So here is my imperfect. I’m glad I’m not taking life too seriously. Laughing at myself has been such a gift. Especially as a perfectly imperfect mom!